Going out again?
3:46 p.m. on 2003-03-03
My god everyone should I just state for the record that even if there was a woman in my bed last night asking me to spank her and pull her hair, and My Mr. 10 incher was sleeping on my sofa, I still did not get laid. Wow, I need to back up and explain how all of this happend. I swear for someone who lives a boring life like mine, I sure have a lot going on. Well, lets see. Do I start off with ... Ok lets just start here. Its Sunday morning, I am fresh scrubbed and ready for work. The waiting job. I have no intentions on getting drunk but at three when I get off, I find myself along with others from work buying 3 dollar pitchers of beer. I figure one pitcher and I am done, I will go home get my homework done and watch Queer As Folk. Wrong. Its now 800pm and I know I am not heading home at least not in a car that is. I can't tell you how much I drank, but I can tell you I came home broke. I think I made good tips too. Well, during the end of the night(around nine) I decide that I am ditching. I have to get out of there because my good friend Marry is getting way too drunk and its not pretty. I was a little angry with her at this point. Let's just say when she kept saying she was into S & M and used my face to prove it, for the second time, I am like ok everyone you can take her home. I love Marry to death, and still do, but my gosh I never knew she could get so wasted. She did pull a funny one though. See there were these hot guys who were next to us. And I forget just how Marry got tangled up into their conversation, but she was pointing at me and they were all staring. I wanted to die right there. See I had already had one embarrassing thing happen to me. I am sure I am a dork, but this only proves it. I stop by my house to shower and change first. No way I am going to go to the bar (gay of course) smelling like food. So I put on some jeans and a black shirt. I thought my hair was looking good, but that is off the point. So I am talking to Larry and Marry, before she got so wasted, and Larry leans over to me and says, Alvie, your zipper is down. I feel and sure enough it is. I start this seal like laugh, because I am sure that someone has seen pubic hair or something, being that I don't wear undies. I spilled our first pitcher of beer. I bet I caused more of a sceen doing this than my zipper. Come to think of it, if anyone saw anything, they never came back for a second peek. Fuck them anyway then.
So where was I? Oh yeah, so they are all looking at me, the guys Marry is talking to, and then she comes over. So She says all smiling and stuff, those guys are so intrested in you. I look at them. The one, the nice football player type, sexy as hell is looking at me like something is not right. I say what in the hell did you tell them Marry? She says I was talking and I said your name then I said oh you know who he is don't you? They are like no who, she is like your joking with me right? You don't know who he is? Really? Then she tells me they are like really wanting to know. They are like who who. Then she says I just said I really shouldn't say he asked me not to and walked away. Oh my god she is so retarded. I can't believe she has done that. Right away her and Juan come up with this line about how I am some porn producer or something to do with porn. She is like go over there and tell them. I look at her like she is out of her tree and tell her that is the dumbest thing she has ever done. I was beet red and so embarrassed. I was like I will never be able to come back to this bar. So about half way through the night the football guy grabs my arm and says I have to know, who are you? I am like Oh I am Alvie. He says why are your friends making such a big deal out of it? Fuck me I swear I didn't mean to but the next words out of my mouth were, Oh I have written six books. I don't know where that came from and why I said six. Why not four of three even but no I say six. This guy is like really intrested now, and he says so your good at it then, you live comfortably? Once again without skipping a beat, I say, well two are being made into mini series. Then to get out of this situation, I say but I have come here to have fun and just relax, so have a good night. He leaves to go tell his friends, and I make plans to kill Marry. Can you believe I did that. I try never to lie, but it came out so damn easy. Is this how its done at bars? Who would believe that stuff anyway? I guess booze and lies just go together.
So anyway, I am leaving the club and I am kind of angry, when I decide I know what this calls for. So I super size my fries, and head home.
Sitting on the phone talking to Jessie, I hear Alvie, Alvie coming from the street. Fuck I tell Jessie, I think that is Juan yelling for me. Sure enough here is some of the bar crowd at my door. I guess the fries worked cause I soon found myself pouring tequila. Not for Marry though. She had water. There is no way I was letting any of them drive home like they were so they spent the night. That is why my friends, I had to miss work today. I was so planning on going. I figured it out, and I think if i miss like two more days, I should be able to collect unemployment bennifits or something. God knows I need the cash now. Speaking of which, I left my wallet in Angie's car the other day, and now my wallet is in Humboldt. She is sending it to me, soon because I have no way of getting cash until it gets here.
So anyway Mr. 10 incher was sleeping on my sofa, so I told him I had a nick name for him. I told him it was Mr. 10 incher and he just laughed. God he is so cool. He was out on the sofa trying to hit on my other friend Nancy, while I was trying to sleep through Marry's snoring. When Marry got up this moring she was so cute, she was like oh I got to get home. I wonder if she remembers saying that I had a huge sack(its not huge)but she grabbed it enough at the club and annouced to everyone it was. I still think I have her hand print on my ass where she had everyone smack it to see if it was hard. Its not that hard, but to hear her tell it, it is. Lord what I night. I am sure I have left out lots of details but this has turned into too long of a story. I got a couple of emails saying my stories get too long, so I will try to make them shorter. I just want to make sure I hit all of the main points.
I am now giving up booze until Saturday, where I will make yet another attempt at the dance club Face's. Wish me luck there.
Oh yeah and on a final note I read this funny bumpersticker the other day it said, If I am not a queen, then how come my pantyhose say the queen's size.
Take care Love ya......Alvie
the latest:
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07