Alvie's World

Its just another cut day
8:14 a.m. on 2003-10-10

Ok, so this is how it all went down. First let me just tell you all how much I missed writing in my diary. I was reading some of my older stuff and I was like wow, I remember that. Then some times I was like damn wish I could forget that. Well, anyway I was thinking should I just start with what happened in my life yesterday, or try to make up for lost time and go way back. Fuck it, yesterday wins. Well, I woke up, decided from the get go that I needed another day off and went to coffee with Jesse. You all remember Jesse, my bestest friend don�t ya? Well, he and I went to Starbucks and drank coffee and then I dropped him off at school. Yes, I have a younger friend who is a senior in high school. I came home and did something I thought I would never do. I washed my own truck and cleaned it inside and out. Why Alvie would you never think to do that, one might ask? Well, I hate to admit to it but I usually have someone else do that, because my gay ass is just too lazy. Clean the bathroom, fine, wash dishes fine, but mow a lawn or wash the truck, nope, I don�t like to do it. So there I am washing my truck and thinking. I started thinking, Alvie, when in the hell are you ever going to get into a relationship? My God things are finally looking up for you. First let me let you all in on a little secret k? Well, while I have been away, and actually even when I was updating regularly, I have been working on a diet and workout lifestyle change. I hate to admit this to anyone, but I was just plain, miserable and depressed. I had let myself go, and when I say go, I mean go. (I am thinking in my head right now, should I tell them what I got up to?) Fuck it, if you ever loved me, then it wouldn�t matter to you what weight I was. Ok here is the shocker, well atleast it was a shocker to me. I let myself get up to 330 lbs at my highest weight. Since then I have taken control over my life and I now weigh 180, which means I only have 20 more pounds to go until goal. It is like the biggest accomplishment thus far in my life. Well, besides coming out as gay, and becoming a teacher and with only a few months left before I get my masters degree. The struggle has been with exercise. Changing my eating habits was not as hard as keeping up with the exercise. I don�t want lose sagging skin so I have been exercising like a bitch everyday. I now can run 5 miles a day and not die. Please let me just say this, if your heavy and happy, hey great. I won�t judge ya at all. I just wasn�t happy, so I changed for myself, so please don�t judge me harshly either. I will say this, the Alvie inside never changed. I am the same person I was only now the outside layer looks different. I will admit this, people hella treat you different. I now get guys doing the �eye� thing. People do treat others based on looks and that is so unfair.

So here it is another day, and I am finishing writing this because I want to get a post up so you all don�t think that I am a total flake. Well, this is going on my fifth day of ditching work. I don�t know what has gotten into me lately, but damn I am hella lazy. I just want to have some more free time again. The bad part is that Jesse is cutting with me again. He should have his little ass in school, but he didn�t want to go, and I thought well fuck it I don�t want to go either. I had to wait until my roommates left for school/work, because I don�t want to hear what a bad person I am for allowing him to cut again. Didn�t we all cut school sometime or another? Well, I did. So let�s see as for my personal life, I am still an anal virgin. For those of you not custom to this phase that mean I have yet to get it in the ass or give it. I think though I am almost there. I think it has always been a weight issue for me, and now that I am nearing my goal weight, I just might become the big boody hoe, I was meant to be. Not a hoe, but you all know what I mean. I did go to the club on Tuesday night. As a refresher, Thursday nights at Faces is Yummy night as I call it but in reality, its Latino night. I met so many guys there. My friend Isrel, (this super hot guy) invited me to go out with him and his boyfriend. The other night, well mid-day, My friend Marry got really drunk and made me promise not to tell, so I did, and she spilt that Pedro, Isrel�s boyfriend has a crush on me. I kind of suspected this, because last time we were together at the club, he had his foot in my crotch. Well, anyway, they hadn�t seen me in a couple of months, so when I got there, looking cute might I add, they made a fuss over my weight loss and all and so now I am going to a party with them on the 17th. The confusing part is remember that guy that I did the crazy oral sex thing with, Neitho, well Pedro is his cousin. So like he knows all what I did because Neitho I guess spilled the beans. I just hope that they all don�t think that I am some slut or something, because I am very picky about this whole sex thing. I really want to do it, I mean really really bad, but I just don�t want to do it with anyone. I know your all thinking Alive you better get out there and get your groovy grove on, but believe it or not I just can�t. I don�t know what kind of morals I have, but I do know I have some.

This is a boring post I know, and I will next time give you some more details and stories about what has transpired in my dull little world, and trust me I do have some stories, but I feel that at 807 am on a cut day, I need a nap. Until tomorrow I will leave you with this thought, The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. Until next time, all my love��..Alvie

the latest:
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07

before & after