8:47 p.m. on 2003-10-14
Ok so my big goal for the end of the year. To get this whole anal thing done and over with. I know I have said it like a thousand times before, but I am so fucking ready already. I got a few tips from some friends about what to expect and all, and my god, If I can get waxed, I sure think that I can handle a little anal love.
On other notes, me and my friend Jesse are on strained times right now. He and Louie have gotten back together for what is this like round 5 or something? Well, I have had enough of the drama and I am opting out. I was spending way too much time with Jesse anyway, and after hanging out with Louie, and god knows I tried, I figured out some people just don't click. He is such a manipulitive person and I can see how he works and it makes me sick. Why would Jesse want to go back with a person like that? Do any of you all have friends who are so blinded by what they think is love that they just over look the obvious and keep going back over and over? I just want to shake him and say wake up. Your so damn young and cute and you don't have to be with a jerk like him. You know what is going on? I will tell you. He got lonely and settled again. Its like well, he is better than nothing. I know what is going to happen and I just don't want to be around to watch it all go down. I have figured out that I live too much of my life through others any way. It is so time for me to get out there and get my groovy grove on. I have now had five days with no jacking off, and I am as bitchy as hell. I really am not a bitch but little things that never bothered me too much seem to bother me more and more.
On other fronts I do have a party that I am going to go to on Friday. I think it would be so easy to have one of those cute mexican boys take my virginity away from me, and that kind of scares me. In my mind, I am kind of planning it to go down that way, but then there is my moral side that says, don't do it. Some times I wish that moral side would just shut the fuck up. Should I use a condom if I give someone head? I have been thinking about that. I didn't the last two times, and to be honest its kind of a turn off.
My god, and get this, I have been smoking pot. Well, I have done it like about six or seven times now, and to tell you the truth, I like it better than booze. I am by no means a drug person or anything, its just sometimes I like to feel high and I can do this and feel good and skip the hangover in the morning. Is this wrong? I think about it all the time, not doing it, but wondering if I am selling myself short by doing it. I really am a good person, but sometimes I like to be a bit wild.
Last time I was at the club I slapped a guys face. Why Alvie would you ever do that? Because he accused me of being a slut. Now deep inside in my dreams and stuff I am, but in reality I am so not a slut. But anyway he kept saying damn I havn't seen you in a long time and you look hella good and stuff. Now that made me embarrassed but I also felt good too, I won't lie. But then he tops it off with, you probably fuck all the time now don't you. I am like no, I am still me, and you know I don't do that. He kept going on and on about how I probably do this or that and finally i just smacked the bitch. He looked stunned and I was too, so I kissed him and now I am like fuck mewhat did I just do. Well, anyway.
I am in the computer lab at school right now trying to work on my paper for my masters program but to tell you the truth I am so not wanting to do it. You know the professor tonight called my cell phone because he thought I slipped out of the class and left. I answered and hes like where are you at. I was out walking around avoiding work and so I just told him, in my car getting some books I need. He was like oh your so lucky, I was going to dock you a half a grade. Fuck me, I better get back in. Well, everyone I must go, he is coming around looking over shoulders so until next time, remember if you want to know whats up the road ahead, ask someone who is on their way back down it. Love ya.... alvie
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07