A father's love
12:51 a.m. on 2003-02-21
You won't belive it. I did it. I made it through the day treating myself real good. I had a little exercise, I ate healthy and instead of having a bottle of wine as I write this, I am eating mellon. God save me now. No, its ok. I did have a splash of raspberry vodka, but it was in diet coke so I think thats ok. I took the day off from teaching and stayed home and cleaned the house and chit chatted with my sister who spent the night. I did have to go to the restaraunt and wait tables though. It was slow, but I still made good tips. Best of all, I got to work with cute little Juan. He is another gay co-worker who I like to talk with. He is very cute, and I wish I had time to hang out with him more. You know what, I have not "taken matters into my own hands" for some time now. I don't know whats wrong. I can remember just last month when I would be going at myself two or three times a day. Now I am lucky if I shake it hard after I piss. When did I lose intrest? I am going to have to spicen up my masturbation. If that damn postman would ever get that video here, then I could play pop goes the weasel. You know when I get on here I never know what I am going to say, it just happens. Please forgive me if I am boring you.
You know I was just thinking today, since I told my family I was gay, which has been about a year and a half ago, my mom has never mentioned it ever again. After that that initial day when I told her, and she said she stilled loved me, but I was going to hell(I wanted to say, I will save you a seat by the fire) it has been mums the word. My sister Sherrie did say my mom has said something to her about it, but that my mom says the "G" word. She can't even say gay. How gay is that? The "G" word, just thinking about that makes me laugh. My father was the person I dreaded telling most. You see my father is sort of a redneck, southern guy. Tells off color jokes, gay jokes, and all. He and I never really had much to say to one another. I knew he suspected I was gay, and just hated my for it. We avoided talking to each other most of the time. I was mad because he treated me like I was a second class person. He always favored my little brother, who was just like him. The manly one. Not to say I am a little fairy or anything, but I can decorate a house like nobodys buisness. I dress nice, and I wouldn't dream of going out without having my hair look good. Well, anyway when I called to tell my dad I was gay(he lives in Oklahoma so I couldn't do it in person) I was so nervous. I just thought oh well, I am me and he will just have to accept that I am gay. So he gets on the phone, and I say dad, I have something I need to tell you. Its very hard for me to say, but I have to tell you. He says, well go ahead. I say, well dad, as I gulp and force myself to say what I need to say, Dad I am gay. He says, Oh bullshit, shut the hell up what do you want to tell me. I said no Dad, I know you have already known for a long time, and I know that's why you don't talk to me, and you don't like me, because I am gay. I said you always told those gay jokes around me and I knew you were meaning them for me. I said, I am telling everyone, and some are not going to like me, but its who I am. All of the sudden out of the blue, my dad starts crying his head off, Through the tears he says, That don't make any difference to me who you are, your my son and I love you. I always thought you didn't like me, I love you. You always remember that do you hear me? Too late my gay ass was crying. He said forget what anyone else says, you just be happy. You live your life and be happy. He went on to say, he would never tell another gay joke again. How cool is he? I was so happy that my father didn't judge me because of my being gay, but rather me, his son, the nice loving person I am. I don't know how I got off on that story, but it just poped in my head. I hope that anyone reading it, will find some peace in it, or use it, or just know that there are people who love us, if we give them half a chance. Wow enough said by me tonight.....Alvie
the latest:
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07