him or me?
1:16 p.m. on 2003-07-03
Hey everyone, I hope your day is going well and you are doing something nice for yourself. You know I hear this a lot, people are too involved in themselves. I would say I have to disagree. I think people should take a little more time and treat themselves better. After all, my gosh your so worth it. We are always looking for someone else to validate us, to give us his or her stamp of approval, fuck that today I say we should all just love ourselves. Ok now can someone pass me the lube?
I think I am in a good mood today. I have so much going on, but at the same time when I think about it, I am so lucky. Some people have so many real problems and when I look at mine I am like what a whiny gay ass homo I am. I mean really can I tell you what my biggest decision of the day was so far? Do I go get my highlights in my hair touched up or should I go swimming and tan? How retarded is that? You would think my stupid ass would think about looking for some sort of employment to pay the rent? Nope, not me. It�s summer time and school is out so I am not substituting, which means no paycheck. What I really should be doing is putting in applications so I can become a full time teacher, but I really am not interested in that for another year. I am working on the masters degree (I should be done in January) and I really don�t want to commit to anything right now. I want to be able to go to the Mardi Gras in February, and go on road trips and such, so I will wait. I have some money put up and the move in with the girls means that this can be possible. Starting July 21 I will be teaching 2nd graders for ten weeks. So I guess I do have some sort of job.
Ok on to some gossip. So Louie, Jessie and I were all going to go swimming at my sisters yesterday. Somehow we got a late start and Jessie had to work so the swimming thing got canceled. We ended up eating lunch and of course Louie was being his stupid jerky ass self. I was so confused. I thought Louie and I were actually starting to become really good friends. I guess that was all some sort of charade on his part. So Jesse and I are eating Caesar salads and drinking sodas and what is Louie doing? Refusing to order anything. Sitting there pouting and acting like he is being put out. I am like Louie, what�s wrong. He is like I am depressed and I don�t want to talk about it. I am like ok, but you know sometimes if you talk with friends about things, either you start to feel better or maybe they have an answer or something. He is like I have a boyfriend for that, but he is no help. Jesse rolls his eyes and I go back to my salad. After Louie figures out that Jesse and I are still going to eat he goes up and orders him a salad to go. While he is ordering Jesse says this to me. He is like last night we got into a fight and he is upset. Ok remember these two argue and fuss on a daily basis. I don�t know why they are boyfriends but hey coming from a person who doesn�t have one, who am I to judge? So I am like about what, and Jesse says about you. I am like fuck me. Why me? I swear people I am the nicest person ever. Why would I be the reason for an argument? So Jesse says that Louie say to him last night, Jess if I asked you to stop being Alvie�s friend and we would be fine or you keep being his friend and we break up what would you say? When he told me this, my heart sank. Why would he say that? I was like and so you said��? Jesse said that he told Louie that he would be with me, be my friend. Now, that is a good thing, because he is my best friend in the whole world and I love him to death, but on the same hand, it saddened me that he would have to chose between his boyfriend and me. I don�t want to be the cause of anyone�s unhappiness.
Icky isn�t it. Louie doesn�t know I know this, but I think I am done putting myself out so much for him. God he is an ass.
I bet some of you right now are thinking, this fucker Alvie writes way too much. Sorry, I can�t help it. I do want to say this. Some people have written and said that they don�t write or leave notes to me because they feel they are like stalking or something. How crazy is that? Do you know that sometimes when I get a note or someone signs my guestbook, it changes my whole day? I could be feeling lonely or sad and then that one little word or note cheers me up like so so much. Please, never feel this way. Write whenever, please. I feel that I am so lucky at times just having you read this. I can�t believe that any of you would care anyway.
Now as for the picture thing. I have it right here on this kodak disk thing but I have no clue as to how to get it on to my webpage. The very nice and beautiful person who helps me with this is a lady by the name of Windy. She is the one who created my page for me. Without her, I would still be using a diaryland created on. She is going to help me post it soon, so as soon as she and I can chat and get it going I will have it up. Until then if anyone wants to see it, you will have to ask me and I can email it to you. I know how to do that now. And dear god, I hate the picture so much. It�s pretty sad when your friend tells you Alvie that picture is not very good. I am like what, really? So I think when I go out this weekend, (if I get to) I will take one of me fixed up with my hair looking normal and one that doesn�t make me look fat. Oh well, if you still want a ugly ass pic of me just tell me.
On a final note: The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
No one love you more than me��.Alvie
the latest:
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07