A blemish on the Ass
11:08 p.m. on 2003-06-25
Dear whoever still loves me. Can I just say that I am truly embarrassed that it has taken me this long to get my act together and update my life. I am so friggin sorry. I doubt anyone will even remember me. Hello its me Alvie coming to you somewhat live from Sacramento, California. If I know one thing for sure, its that my boyfriend doesn�t live in Sacramento. What, Alvie you ask, you now have a boyfriend? Hell no I would answer. What I am trying to say is I have searched hi and low across Sacramento, and my future love is just no where to be found. Bastard is probably on an extended vacation, so I will keep looking. I am so serious finally, about finding a boyfriend. This masturbation thing is getting rather dull. Last night I took to loving myself and put on porn and I swear if my dick could talk it would say dear god this scene again? I looked at my half erect member and then glanced up at the video that was going in the player, (gang-bang initiation) and thought ok enough of this. Don�t get me wrong, I did finish the act, but you know, its just not any good any more.
So I guess you could say I have been doing the same old thing but so much has gone on since the last time I updated. I was thinking there is no way I can remember it all, so when ever I remember something I will just jot it down. Oh get this, Louie and I have come to some sort of friendship. He and I went to dinner the other night and I got to know him, the person within, and I think I really like him. He only acts the way he does(controlling) because he is so insecure within himself. You know me, I had a few margaritas, and told him so.
Gosh I have so many things I want to say right now, but I can�t. Certain people read this who know me and lord would I not be called a pack of names if I said it. But anyway, I feel I am ready to settle into a serious relationship and that�s what I am going to work on. I leave Friday for Pride in San Francisco, and I am so excited. I have a feeling I don�t know why but I have this feeling like I might do something wild. Now you all know that I have never done the anal thing right? Well, the other day I woke up with a hard on and as I was holding it and pointing it this way and that way and I got to thinking. I want to try the anal thing. Not in me, well not yet but I want to give. That�s so funny because I have had a few people ask me, are you the girl or the guy? I am like what? Oh then I get it. What they want to know is do I take it or give it. Can I tell you that no one believes me when I tell them that I have never done that. They are like what? You are lying. I figure they are going to believe what they want anyway so why argue. But anyway, so this whole pride thing. I doubt if I will have sex down there, but I was thinking if I do do it, no one will know, I will get in some practice and I bet I will like it. You think I will come real fast? That�s got me a little worried. When I hump my pillow, it takes a long ass time for me to cum. I almost get to the point where I am going to explode and I am going real fast then fuck, then its like I loose the sensation and here goes another 20 minutes of dry humping again. I will tell you though when I do cum my whole body just tenses up and something takes over and I leave. I have wave after wave of intense buckling and grinding and I shoot my stuff so hard. Is that what it is like? Uhhh, I guess I am going to have to give it a go and see for myself. I wish some of you out there would help me with this. If I really wanted to embarrass myself further, I will tell you sometimes when I am in here all alone, I practice putting on a condom. I even sometimes try to jack off with a condom on but it just doesn�t feel as good. The lube part is ok but after a while I get too frustrated and just rip it off. I bet some of you right now are thinking, damn I wish he wouldn�t have updated, I forgot how blunt he is. Sorry but I like to write about what happens in my real life and well as boring as it is that is what happens. I have debated in my head for a full five minutes whether or not to tell you all this and you know what, fuck it, I will tell you my biggest problem of all right now. Fuck me, pride is what in two days right? Well, guess who starts to get a pimple on there behind? Me. Fuck I can�t believe it. Everyone, I am the cleanest neat freak in the world. Most days I am showering two or three times, and this happens. Who is going to want to fool around with me now?
Is anyone else going to pride who reads this? Maybe you would want to say hi or something if at all possible, but then again my gosh would I ever be embarrassed. The whole time I would be thinking, I wonder what they think of me. Are they just thinking so this is the guy who has slept with a married man, who by the way has kids, humps pillows, and has a pimple on his ass? Fuck, god I am hopeless.
Well, I think this is enough for now. I am going to try to update everyday once again. I really enjoy writing in here. I wish I had a huge excuse why I didn�t but I don�t. I just hope that who ever reads this will be kind enough to let me know that they did, whether they hate me or not.
On a final note: Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go -- and then do it.
Take care and be kind, god I missed ya��..Alvie
the latest:
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07