Pride and my life
3:17 p.m. on 2003-06-30
Hey everyone, it�s me Alive sitting here waiting for my rice to get done and wondering just what in the hell you�re up to? Well, San Francisco was so much fun. My god I have never seen so many gay people from every walk of life before. I better say right off the bat, I did not have sex, but that was by my own choice. Actually it would have been real easy to hook up for a quick whatever. I feel dumb saying this, but that is not what I want.
First of all my two girlfriends, Angie and Shannon picked me up Friday and we were off. I should say that someone was playing a bad joke on me because Thursday, I ended up at the Dr.�s office with a sore throat, fever and coughing. I was like what the fuck. My first pride and I get sick the day before. So I go to the Dr.�s and he gives me some antibiotics and says I have an upper respiratory infection. It�s like I am doomed. I decided what the hell, maybe I will just stay in the hotel and try to get better for Saturdays street party. So anyway the girls pick me up and thank god the pimple on my ass had at least gotten smaller. So coughing and hacking I made it to the hotel. The gay gods must have been looking out for me because we pull up to the hotel and its right next to the San Francisco shopping center. I thought to myself, at the very least I could hobble to a&f or Nordstoms and cheer myself up. Shopping does that for me. It�s a great pick me up at times. So we get into our room and guess what? One bed, but it�s a California king so we are like fuck it, we will all sleep together. It was so cute, Shannon is like oh we can all spoon. I looked at her like she was from outer space and we all laughed. Actually it was nice. The bed was so big and we are all such good friends that I enjoyed it.
Later that night we went out and got some dinner and I was able to look halfway decent. I had some guys checking me out but damn it, I am too shy to go over and say hi. So after dinner round one of shopping. Tired, we all climbed into bed, two dikes and a queer, odd yes.
Saturday, we awake and go for breakfast and I am feeling a little better. Still run down but the thought of all of those gay boys and the mall put a little spring in my step. We hit most stores within a mile of our hotel then I was like girls I have to nap. I went home while they had lunch and drank Nightquil, took my antibiotics and drank diet Pepsi. The girls woke me up at 530 and were like come on we got to get ready. I was feeling so sick, but I was not going to miss this. I got dressed and did the best I could to make myself look cute and off we went.
Watching all of the Dikes on Bikes, I was cheered up and feeling better. Still coughing and hacking but having a good time. We went straight from there to the street party. My god thousands of homos everywhere. The streets were blocked off and the music was so cool. I was like give me some beer. After my third one I swear I felt so much better. I was dancing and getting my little boogie on. The girls had some friends there and we kicked it with them for a while. As the night went by (way too fast) the girls made their way back to the hotel. I was having too much fun so I stayed and my god let me just say the things I saw. If I ever wondered how two lesbians used a strap-on, lets just say that question was answered. Two girls were actually going at it and a crowd was watching. Sad to say curiosity got the best of me and I had to look. I am crazy like that. I usually would not thing about such a thing, but if its going on and I am there, I just have to see. I decided right then and there that I am so gay. No cootchie for me! The rest of the night was just as wild. Cute boys everywhere and my shy ass too afraid to make too much eye contact. I love a good party and every once in a while a person has to get out and do something. I don�t think I could do it everyday or for that matter weekly, but once in while, hell I am game.
While walking home two lesbians and this guy who was wearing a sailor suit were a little bit ahead of me. I was buzzed but far from drunk and thinking damn I should just call a cab. The sailor boy turns around and smiles. My heart sinks. I am like fuck, now he is going to talk to me. Not that I wouldn�t want to talk to him, but I am so sure that as soon as I do, it will be something dumb. Why am I so insecure? Anyway, sailor boy is not cute but not bad looking either. He comes back to me and says excuse me what time is it? I tell him the time and he says oh can I see your watch? I show him and he says oh nice but it say to me it is time for you to spend some time with me. How friggin silly is that line? I simi giggle and what do I do? Go have coffee with him. I know, crazy but hell if he was brave enough to say that to me, and use a stupid ass line like that I thought what the hell. So after coffee he is like so what are you going to do now. I say go to sleep. He says how boring, lets you and me go party. I smile and say oh, I can�t but you go have fun, and I pay and leave. Should I have done sailor boy? It would have been easy and maybe even fun, but there was no spark or interest on my part. I guess maybe I am a prude, who knows?
The next day was the parade, which let me tell you was awesome. Jesse and Louie came up and we ate breakfast and the five of us watched the parade together. The two couples and I. I was happy to be surrounded by friends and loved seeing the two couples snuggle and love each other, but also I was sad. The fifth wheel once again. Maybe before we are born or fates are set and this is mine. God this has turned out to be so long and I have so much more I want to say. I know everyone is probably bored to tears reading this right now anyway. I will wrap it up by saying I had one of the best times of my life. I was open and gay and surrounded by others who felt just like me. I didn�t have to worry about being too gay or anything. I could just be me, Alvie, the loving person that I am. I swear I really am.
On a final note: "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
With all my love��Alvie
the latest:
Higher than the birds - 2003-10-21
friend trouble - 2003-10-14
Its just another cut day - 2003-10-10
hello, are you home - 2003-10-07
cumming soon - 2003-08-07